Update

I am going through a bad patch.
I am so bad at the moment that I choose to close the curtains and lock the door tight and close myself in as soon as my OH goes to work.
I love him dearly but he does impose upon my desire for darkness and silence and insists upon attempting to bring light and sound into the house.
When I am having "an episode" I cannot cope with light or sound or the outside world.
I can't help it.
It is part of my condition and those of you lucky enough to never be overpowered by emotion and physical experience should count yourselves lucky.
I would trade everything I have just to be normal, NT, whatever the term is for such things.
But I am not normal, NT, or any of the above.
I live day in, day out, assaulted by sound and light and smell and sensation.
It is a daily battle to make sense of it all.
I have good weeks where I can function normally but even then I am just "pretending"
I don't really know how to behave in public.... I just mimic.
Perhaps everyone does that. I dunno.
But right now, I am struggling to write this as I am so very tired.



See, the one sense I do not get is taste.
I taste things of course, but I do not like eating and never have.
I have not eaten anything substantial for weeks.
It makes one rather weak and hopeless but it serves as a mind journey..... in a weakened state one can visit places in the mind.
And so I have visited places in my mind.
And it has been better than the real world could ever be.