Another delightfully morose Synnie post.

[lizzie_swarf]

I am not sure if I should write this: I am all about the TMI at the moment.
I have worried my dad, pissed off my friends and confused my poor dear OH just because I have been going nuts.

But this is my Synnie diary and I think it is appropriate to vent here, seeing as I cannot vent any where else.

I am exploding.
Literally EXPLODING with sensation and uncertainty.
There has been far too much change in my life in the past two years and most of it has been so very bad and horrible.

Two, maybe three things have been *so* wonderful that I can barely cope with their consequences either. Oh, forgive me for having a few nice things happen to me if you will!

Which makes them all purple...a mixture of my two least and most favourite colours.
I don't *do* purple because it is to me, what people would commonly term as a "grey area" and my life is just one big puddle of purple "grey area" right now.
I have one foot in the ocean and one in the sand.
Quite literally at times.

The good things: I have learned how to write a book, travelled a bit and found out who my friends are.
The bad: Every damn fucking thing else. (Sorry I swore there)

So it's a really dark shade of purple for me given that the mixture contains mainly blue...navy blue.

I am missing Summer.
My dearest friends think this is ludicrous given that I am MADE of Summer by default.
But currently I am Winter girl and want only to hide away because everything is too bright and written in bold italics at every twist of the eye.
Which makes me even more sad.


Thing is, I know this is just Post Traumatic Stress and Generalised Anxiety.
I know.

But with the Syn thing in the back ground, it becomes a magnifying glass held to an unsuspecting ant in the sun.

I can feel my carapace smoking away as I type.
Not long now and I will explode.
I WILL.

Not long now...